God is a white, male American, with dark hair (Blonde hair is for girls), a muscular build (Not legs though. He’s too busy to work on his legs. Doesn’t matter, only the chest and arms matter, in a fight!), he likes country music and classic rock. He hates homos, asians, blacks, injines, A-rabs, and hindus. He likes roast beef, and understands the hard life a workin’ man has to endure, so it’s okay when he sins just a lil’.
*spits*
*ping!*

Years ago, when the earth was still an infant and the elements were first introduced to each other, The sun and the north wind would often get into grand arguments and who was the supreme element.

“I am far superior to you!” bellowed the North Wind. “Man cowers in my presence. All creatures from the smallest insect to the tallest tree kneels before me as I pass, lest they be destroyed by my awesome might! You can’t even begin to compare yourself to me!”
“I am life.” The sun smiled back. “The earth can exist without you, but if I were to leave, everything would perish in my absence.”

And so it went on. Their argument enveloped them more and more to the point where they both abandoned their duties. The earth seemed to freeze. Without light nor wind, the entire planet seemed halted.
During the height of one of their arguments, they both noticed a lone cloaked traveler trekking his way across the land.
The sun suggested, “Let us determine once and for all who is correct. He who would separate this man from his cloak shall be declared the most superior element. We shall finally put this silly debate to rest.”

“Easy,” said the North Wind. “It’s about time we both agreed I am the best, I shall go first to lessen your humiliation.”
Gathering up all his force for the attack, he came whirling furiously down upon the man, and caught up his cloak as though he would wrest it from him by one single effort: but the harder he blew, the more closely the man wrapped it round himself for protection.
The North wind blew the hardest it had ever blown that day. Across the globe, trees cracked apart, ships were destroyed at sea, and it seemed as the earth itself would soon split lest the wind relented. Still, the man clung onto his cloak, as it was the only protection he had from the savage element.
Eventually, the North wind decided that his task was an impossible one. He looked over at the sun. “Looks like our argument will never end. If I couldn’t separate the man from the cloak, nothing will.”

The Sun didn’t say a word, it just smiled a bright smile back at the wind. The earth slowly heated after months of frozen darkness. The traveler loosened his grip on his cloak. The north wind looked at the sun incredulously, but the sun only beamed a brighter smile. The traveler, now sweating, allowed the cloak to drop loosely around his shoulders. The sun simply grinned wider. The heat was unbearable and the man, before he had gone many steps further, was glad to throw his cloak right off and complete his journey more lightly clad.